Custom Weddings by Tim Greathouse

The tradition of a father “giving his daughter away” at the end of the wedding processional is a familiar custom. There’s some debate as to its exact origins, but there is little doubt that it has to do with the age-old custom of arranged marriages. In times and cultures where certain individuals were or are considered property, this question had its place.

In Western culture today where arranged marriages are almost unheard of, a father giving away his daughter is thought of as a symbol of his “blessing” of the union - however, the historical undertones of the question Who gives this bride away? can cause the bride (and others, including the father doing the “giving”) some uneasiness.

Assuming it’s the bride’s father walking her down the aisle (although that honor can be bestowed upon anyone she chooses), there are several ways to handle the end of the processional:

1. Go the traditional route. I ask the question Who gives this bride away? and the bride’s father answers any way he wishes. The usual responses are: I do, We do, Her father or Her father and mother. This is the best option for brides who aren’t bothered by the question, and whose fathers wish to adhere to tradition.
2. Do it without saying anything. This eliminates any negative connotations that the question might arouse, while still adhering to the overall tradition. This is the best option for brides who dislike the historical connotation of the question, or whose fathers are afraid they’ll get choked up or stammer if they’re forced to speak at that very emotionally-charged moment at the end of the processional.
3. Do it the traditional way, but with a nontraditional answer that negates the historical origins of the custom. My suggested answer (which is admittedly verbose but poignant) is: She gives herself freely with her parents’ love. This is the best option for brides who don’t want the question asked but whose fathers do.

If you need help making a decision, get some input from your fiance and from your father (or to whomever you’ve given the honor of walking you down the aisle). It’s a small but important detail – one of many that I’ll help you get just right, which all add up to the perfect ceremony.

John & Shannon met at the Strand 28 years ago when it was a bumpin’ teen dance club… and in a few hours they’ll tie the knot in those same hallowed halls.

John & Shannon Stephens, The Strand Theater, March 30th, 2013

Socially conservative voters and other assorted bigots in my otherwise lovely home state of Ohio passed Issue 1 in 2004, which banned gay marriage – and it has incensed me ever since. I won’t get into the reasons why, but they should be obvious to anyone who reads my manifesto on gay marriage.

Needless to say, when I heard that Freedom to Marry Ohio was cleared to begin collecting signatures for a 2013 ballot initiative that would not only squash the ban on gay marriage but also clear the way to allow gays to marry – I knew I had to get involved.

The 2004 ballot measure passed in Ohio by what some would call a landslide, with 62% of voters supporting the ban. Landslide or not, 38% is not a small minority – and what’s more, it’s growing every day. In 1996, only 25% of Americans supported same-sex marriage, while several recent polls now put that support at over 50%. That’s right – in less than two decades, support to do away with one of the most embarrassing civil rights deprivations of our lifetime has doubled.

Does this rapidly growing  support mean that Ohio voters will be ready in 2013 to do away with the ban they approved just nine years ago? Honestly, I’m not sure. There is a strong conservative movement in Ohio, and they have teeth. Even the national Freedom to Marry organization is not backing Freedom to Marry Ohio’s efforts, saying that public education and a carefully laid framework are necessary in the lead-up to any such ballot initiative to pass. To that, I’ll say two things.

First, the public is educating itself. Speaking purely anecdotally, gay marriage seems to me to be one of those issues that you’re either staunchly for or staunchly against – I speak with very few people who remain undecided on the issue. I don’t think that educating the public does much to sway that tiny minority. I believe the key to winning is, in large part, organizing a grassroots voting effort to ensure that as many supporters as possible show up at the polls to show support.

Second, even if the effort were to fail, it would still achieve a very important end: it would demonstrate to the state and to the nation that support for marriage equality is growing. If the number of voters who turned out to support gay marriage rose from 38% in 2004 to even 43% in 2013, it demonstrates to those who “keep the faith” that, by the end of the decade perhaps, we’ll have the 51% we need to finally put this disgrace behind us.

And so, in keeping with my belief that everyone should be afforded the right to marry, I announced on my Facebook page in April that I have personally committed to collecting 1,000 petition signatures to allow voters to re-decide the fate of marriage equality in Ohio.

I’ll be asking the couples whose ceremonies I’ll be performing in the coming months – who feel as strongly about this issue as I do – to allow me to collect signatures at their wedding receptions, in the hopes that one day soon everyone will be permitted to experience the same joyous celebration of love that they do. And I’ll be arranging days and events at which I’ll set up shop for those interested in signing. I’ll share those dates with you here as they become available. And I’m not alone in the effort – in addition to my activist brides and grooms, the incomparably talented designer Laura Guardalabene is in the process of designing signs to display at my various “collection sites” – sure to draw the eye, and sure to draw in all those who support marriage equality.

If you’re interested in helping with the effort – by volunteering to collect petition signatures, hosting a fundraiser or contributing funds directly to the cause – visit the Freedom to Marry Ohio website and sign up.

Where there is love – let there be marriage!

Visit FreedomOhio.com to get involved. Thanks to Laura Guardalabene for lending her design talents to this effort.

I must admit, I don’t like going out in the snow. Northeast Ohio is far too grey for me. But one thing I don’t mind is braving the weather to go marry some folks, and not many people have the bravado to do it around these parts… but a few did! Congratulations and best wishes to all of my new friends.

February 11: Adam & Regina Southall (At Springlake Party Center, Lakemore – kudos to the bridal party that waded through knee deep snow in high heels for photos!)

March 3: Stephen & Hilary Tymcio (At Rockefeller Park Greenhouse, Cleveland)

March 17: Anthony & Rachael Deliz (At Sheraton Suites Akron/Cuyahoga Falls)

Three ceremonies the first three months of the year… 25 ceremonies the next three months.  See you out and about!

Late fall and early winter in Ohio can be remarkably unforgiving… but seven couples rolled the dice and managed to squeeze in their wedding ceremonies before Ma Nature dropped some unsavory weather on our heads.

November 11: Steve & Leigh Mooney (Just the three of us at High Bridge Glens Park in Cuyahoga Falls)

November 11: Brandon & Rochelle Olivo (At Emidio & Sons Banquet Center in Cuyahoga Falls… a big shout out to Rochelle and all the rest of my fellow North High Vikings in attendance!)

November 18: Gene & Kathleen Calcei (At Mayfield Senior Center in Canton, and featuring the bagpiping talents of one Brian McElhinney – a nod to Kathy’s Celtic heritage!)

November 21: Rob & Amber Lepon (Rob and Amber defied convention and held their ceremony on a Monday – their 10-year anniversary, in fact, at the American-Croatian Lodge in Eastlake.)

December 10: Jeremy & Sandra Zelinka (At the Grotto Hall in Ashtabula)

December 16: Gary & Kali McDaniel (At Occasions Party Centre in Clinton)

December 17: Rickey & Jessica Blake (At the historic St. James Meeting House at Boardman Park)

Congratulations to all of you and good luck in the coming year!

No rest for the irreverent reverend this October! It was my second-busiest month of the year.

October 1: Michael & Allison Janaske (In the lush library overlooking the Cuyahoga River at the Sheraton Suites Akron/Cuyahoga Falls

October 1: Addam & Kim Chasar (At Chateau Michele in Canton. This is officially the most ink I’ve seen at a wedding ceremony. Addam is an outstanding artist at the Absolute Tattoo Company in Wadsworth. I feel it is necessary to mention that I get my work done at Empire Ink in North Hill, my old hood. Who loves ya, Scott Versago?!)

October 7: Matt & Sara Casto (At Greystone Hall in downtown Akron. Matt and I go back to Mrs. Herceg’s 9th period German class at North High School. Congratulations, my old friend!)

October 8: Chris & Kristi Prochaska (At Barrington Golf Club in Aurora)

October 15: Nathan & Ashley Fela (On quite what felt like the windiest day of the century, at Howe Meadow in the Cuyahoga Valley National Park. In the second wedding & tattoo related coincidence of the month, Ashley and I share almost identical tattoos – the Triskelion – albeit in different places. Cool, right?!)

October 16: Adam & Sara Gill (In a Roaring Twenties/movie-themed ceremony at the Canton Palace Theater, complete with a “playbill” wedding program. In keeping with the theme, I was listed in the program as the director.)

October 22: Ian & Stephanie Kolarovsky (My second movie-themed ceremony in a week and my second ceremony of the month at Akron’s Greystone Hall. Ian and Stephanie, both understanding the fundamental importance of men having beards, specifically called out my “righteously sweet beard” in their wedding program. And what did I do just a week before? I shaved it off. I was so bummed. But they were great sports about it, and I’m happy to report that I have since grown it back. Me with no beard just wasn’t right.)

October 29: Don & Stephanie Xu (My niece Stephanie married the love of her life at the Tallmadge Historical Church on Tallmadge Circle – the same church where my brother got married almost a decade and a half earlier. What a joy it was to watch my niece grow and become the beautiful and radiant being she is today. It was a joy to watch you walk down the aisle and an honor beyond measure to join you and Don in marriage. Uncle Tim loves you lots!)

May you all be buried in a casket made from the wood of a 100-year old oak that I shall plant tomorrow!

September cooled off just in time for the early fall wedding season. Here are the lovely couples I performed ceremonies for this past month:

September 3: Matt & Jessica Reagle (at the magnificent Amasa Stone Temple on the campus of Case Western Reserve University)

September 3: Alek & Mandy Mergy (at Rosemont Country Club in Fairlawn)

September 10: George & Randi Harvey (These two actors, musicians and pilots opted for a ceremony in the hangar at MAPS Air Museum in Canton. It was incredible!)

September 10: Ray & Lindsay Halkovics (at the 1850 Historic Greek Revival Meetinghouse, known to many as the “little white chapel” at Hale Farm & Village)

September 17: Brent & Stacy Combest (at the Mingo Pavilion in Sand Run Park, Akron)

September 17: James & Kara Sandy (at the stately Greystone Hall in downtown Akron)

September 24: Justin & Meghann Hazen (on their family farm)

Congratulations to the lot of you!

Five weddings… heat indexes in the 90′s… and only one torrential downpour.  Not too shabby!

August 6: Brian & Lacey Flynn (originally meant to take place at Kendall Lake, but after waiting for the rain to stop for an hour, we had to execute Plan B and move the celebration to the reception venue, Happy Days Lodge. Sorry my no-rain streak ended on your big day, guys!)

August 20: Bill & Sharla Selsor (at Galt Park, Cuyahoga Falls)

August 20: Andrew & Jenna Isaacs (at the luxurious Glidden House at University Circle in Cleveland)

August 27: Brian & Donna Zager (my first camouflage-themed wedding!)

August 28: Steve & Amanda Erickson (they both shaved their heads to signify this monumental new beginning in their lives. Love it!)

It was worth bearing the heat to be a part of your wedding days. My thanks to all of you!

It was a busy and joyous July. Congratulations to my new friends:

July 8:  Gregory & Amanda Greathouse (Airman Gregory Greathouse to be exact – my dear nephew! – at Springlake Party Center, Lakemore, Ohio)

July 9: Jared & Heather Gold (at the Lakewood Masonic Temple)

July 16: Jacob Hall & Amina Dervisik (on the deck overlooking the Cuyahoga River at High Bridge Glens Park)

July 16:  Nicholas Varsanyi & Melissa Bright (at The Galaxy in Wadsworth)

July 23: Rich & Kate Good (in an intimate backyard ceremony)

July 29: Jeff & Darylanna Beck (At the VFW Post 1062 in Cuyahoga Falls… congratulations again to my old friend Jeff and his family!)

Thank you all!

Congratulations to the lovely couples I performed ceremonies for in June!

June 3: David & Annie Clingerman (At the gazebo in Wes Point Park in the heart of downtown Willoughby)

June 4: Robert & Jaculyn Green (On the balcony overlooking the Cuyahoga River at the Sheraton Suites Akron/Cuyahoga Falls)

June 17: Jon & Cathy Stupar (The ceremony began on southwest side of the iconic Everett Road Covered Bridge in Peninsula and ending on the northeast side. The idea for this symbolic gesture came from a quote by David Russell: “The hardest thing in life to learn is which bridge to cross and which to burn.”)

June 18: Jesse & Kristen Sorgi (At the gazebo overlooking Coe Lake in Berea)

June 19: Ashley & Tracy Snyder (A lighthearted and classy affair at Independence Civic Center)

June 25: Michael & Evangeline Keller (In the courtyard of the Hanna Mansion, part of the Western Reserve Historical Society)

Mike & Evangeline’s ceremony was my first in the Hanna Mansion courtyard. At rehearsal, we noticed a carving in the granite archway beneath which we were standing. It read “Lux et umbra vicissim sed semper amor.” While I don’t know Latin, I do know what amor is. I looked up the translation and incorporated it into the ceremony thusly:

Above our heads there’s a phrase carved into the stone in Latin. I won’t try to say it – for fear that one of you actually knows Latin and will marvel at how badly I butcher it – but I will tell you what it translates to. “Light and shadow in turn, but always love.” What does it mean? Your world, with each other in it, will be full of light. Your love will be as natural and as reflexive as breathing. But when life presents challenges, and it will, you’ll peer into the gathering darkness and feel like giving up. And when those times come – when love falters – come back here. Dwell in this place, in this very moment in time. When it becomes difficult to love each other passively, love each other actively. In short – always love each other.

Congratulations again and my thanks to you all!